


Wrong Moment In Time

by Chipper99



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hint Of Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Presumed Dead, Protective Kylo Ren, Some comfort, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Ysalamiri (Star Wars), light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:13:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23029123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chipper99/pseuds/Chipper99
Summary: 'Something…Something deep down inside was screaming at her, a dreadful pain beginning to blossom inside of her chest, steadily growing in intensity with every passing second, its fiery trail crawling up her spine and into her head, settling deep down within her skull.Rey glanced over to Leia who had gone wide-eyed, face unnaturally pale as she gripped so tightly at the edge of the table that her knuckles had gone white. As the two of them locked eyes, the older woman whispered the one word that was screaming in Rey's mind;"Ben."* * *After months of no contact with Rey, Kylo Ren finds himself cut off momentarily from the Force. So disoriented by this, he fails to notice that it wasn't just himself affected by the loss of the Force. When Rey suddenly feels her connection to him break and go quiet, she can only come to one horrifying assumption; That Ben Solo has fallen. In that moment of weakness, she feels herself reach out to a bond she knows is now gone.To her surprise, she finds him there, alive and well, on the other side.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	Wrong Moment In Time

It hadn't been the first time he watched the First Orders Storm Troopers as they went about their morning routine. Something about the same repetitive movements, exercises that they performed every day was almost... Soothing.

He envied them, in a way. They have no responsibilities, not really. They have nothing to live up to, nothing expected of them individually, only as a unit. They are given orders, and all that's asked of them is to follow those orders.

Perhaps 'envy' wasn't the right word. Maybe... Maybe it was more he _missed_ it.

That wasn't to say that he had enjoyed being crushed under Snoke’s rule, of enduring his harsh words of disappointment after so many unrealistic and seemingly unattainable expectations. Still, despite those expectations from being Supreme Leader Snoke’s apprentice, there had been a simplicity to his life.

He had been higher up the command chain, yes, but not at the top. There had still been his master there to dish out his own commands, orders that he would be expected to follow, just like the countless men and woman dressed up in white plates of armor that marched below him.

Watching them now, he briefly wondered how many had seen his face before. It had only been in the briefest of occurrences that he had paraded around the Supremacy without the familiar weight of his mask covering his head, relishing in the thrill he got at the flash of fear he would see on his officers face any second they caught sight of his mask.

There had been a type of power in that mask. Something about it that made himself appear more powerful than he already was. It shielded his face, not only in physical combat but mentally. There's something very... Unnerving, when you're unable to get a read of a person's face, unable to get any access to their emotional state. Something about it always seemed to throw people off, something that made him appear almost as if he... He wasn't human.

Like there was a monster, hidden underneath that mask.

' _Monster! Murderous Snake!_ '

Times like these were when he missed his mask. Times where the Scavenger girls’ words would echo around his head, and he was unable to stop the subtle twitch under his eye that he could see from his own reflection, staring back at him from the always spotless window that overlooked the landing bay.

He should hate her.

He should despise her very name. Should be plotting her demise, preferably by his own hands.

But he doesn't.

Because his master was right. He _is_ weak.

He had been honest with his master, honest with his grandfather, and even honest with himself. No matter what he did, whatever ties to his past he cut, it was _always_ there. That incessant, never-ending, inescapable call to the light.

He was weak, in the way that he couldn't block its call. But he had thought he would be strong enough to resist it.

He had never realized that one day, the call to the light would be more than just a calling to a side of the Force.

It was an evil trick, to manifest itself within _her_.

He shouldn't do it. He _knows_ he shouldn't be doing it, but he does it all the same, just as he has every day since that disastrous day on Crait.

Kylo lets his eyes flutter shut, assured for the time being that he was in this room alone. The Galaxy around him falls silent as he easily slips into his meditative state, the only tiny sliver of Jedi training he has left. The entirety of the Force seems to sing around him, calling for his attention, but there's only one tiny yet significant part that he's looking for.

He finds her, and just as he has every day, he's met with a solid wall of resistance.

Rey hadn't only just physically blocked herself from him; when she had slammed her hand against the Falcon's close switch, swinging up a sheet of metal that would separate her from him. Since that day, she had found a way to _completely_ block him from her mind.

There was nothing he could do. Forcefully entering her mind wouldn't work, the wall simply too sound and impenetrable. Quite frankly, he wasn't sure he could do such a thing to her. Not after he had seen the lines of agony etched into her face as his old master did the exact same. Especially not when he knew full well from one of their first encounters that she was fully capable of giving him the same treatment.

Calling out to her only proved to provide the same results. It didn't matter if he was gentle and understanding in his calls, or if he was agitated and threatening, the fact of the matter was that she was not listening. His messages weren't getting through.

She wanted nothing to do with him.

"S--Supreme Leader, Sir?"

Kylo’s eyes snap open, appalled with himself for allowing someone to catch him off-guard. He had been so focused on her Force signature that he had let his guard down, a move that was as stupid and foolish as it was dangerous.

Of course, he doesn't let his face betray all this information to the lowly officer who stood trembling behind him.

That helmet wasn’t the _only_ mask he had...

Straightening his back, Kylo keeps his hands tucked behind his back as he barely turns his body enough to face the officer behind him, regarding the anxious-looking man from the corner of his eye.

"A-Apologies for interrupting you, sir--Supreme Leader--, I, um..."

"Clear your head," Kylo interrupts the rambling officer, the low smooth tones of his voice making the man startle somewhat. "And get to the point of whatever it is you need to tell me."

"Of course, Supreme Leader. I have a message, from General Hux; He requests your presence for today's meeting."

Something about the officers' wording made his stomach coil unpleasantly, the first whispering of seething rage building within him. Hux found himself important enough to... _Request his presence_? Kylo was certain Hux would never have the gall to make such a request to Snoke, not unless he wanted to endure the most torturous pain known not only to man but to every species that has ever existed.

Snoke wasn't _given_ orders. Nor was he given _requests_ which, Kylo knew full well was just Hux's rather pathetic attempt at giving him an order without it _being_ an actual order.

Perhaps he thought it would be enough to escape Ren's wrath.

He thought wrong.

"H-He did stress the importance of your presence, Supreme Leader." The officer babbled, clearly well acquainted with his fits of fury. "Insisted that there was something that needed to be shared with you, among the other officers. That it was vital, for the upcoming war. What answer should I give him... Sir?"

These... Were the instances he loathed having taken the position of Supreme Leader. Meaningless meetings filled with back-stabbing officers, each and every one of them no doubt hoping for his untimely demise. They had been displeased with him even before Snoke’s death, and now he's the one to rightfully take over the position? Well, safe to say he's never had to watch his own back more...

This had been what he wanted, right? This had been the whole point. All those hours he spent drenched in sweat, training late into the night until master Snoke had deemed his abilities 'passable'. All the suffering he was put through as Snoke’s apprentice, the never-ending orders and commands that only served to split his soul further and further apart, all so that one day, he would be strong enough, worthy enough to take the position of Supreme Leader of The First Order. To rule over the Galaxies.

This is what it had all been for.

So why did it not feel worth it?

Why did he not want it?

' _You know why._ ' That voice hissed in his head

' _You let her in. You let yourself believe that she cared for you. Let yourself hope in the possibility she would rule by your side._ '

The voice laughed at him.

' _If she won't rule by your side... Then you refuse to let yourself rule at all..._ '

"Don't tell him a thing." Kylo snarled at the man in front of him, turning on his heel and storming out of the room as the rage threatened to overtake him once more. “Perhaps, if General Hux is lucky, I may just _grace him with my presence_."

* * *

What was he doing here?

That was the question Kylo had to ask himself, staring blankly ahead at the needlessly long table he was sat upon. Its metal surface was sleek and dark, just as most items were aboard every First Order ship.

It was clear he didn't need to be here. Every topic his high-ranking subordinates covered were all of insignificance to him, providing little to no information that he could use, or ever need. It certainly wasn't as if they were bothering to seek his permission, or even approval, on certain decisions. No, rather they seemed to squabble over such meaningless problems amongst one another, barely paying attention to him as he quietly seethed with resentment across from them.

Financial matters, strategic plans, securing resources, off-planet trades, peacekeeping, releasing propaganda. All words that floated around the room, all matters that were to be handled by the people sat in said room. It was what they were there for, wasn't it? The reason why they had been appointed such roles? So that he, as Supreme Leader, did not have to bother with such trivial tasks?

He was _supposed_ to rule with purpose. He was supposed to lead the First Order in a new direction, to ensure complete control over the surrounding Galaxies. Unwavering loyalty from those that supported them, with an almighty strength to crush even the slightest semblance of a rebellion before it has even begun.

And here he was, listening to an old-fashioned, sniveling excuse of a man ramble on about the 'inexcusable' complaints from their partnered manufacturing company over unpaid bills for their recently acquired Tie-Fighters.

For _Twenty. Minutes_.

And all the while, he could see General Hux out of the corner of his eye, with that insufferable, smug smile of his. It was barely there, just a small hitch of his lips really, but he could sense it none the less.

Perhaps Hux _liked_ these meetings. It was a possibility that they gave him a false sense of power, made him feel as if he was of somewhat importance to the First Order.

Or perhaps, he was pleased with the knowledge that he had dragged Kylo here for what he knew full well would be pointless discussions after pointless discussions, just to see him suffer. Either way, this would serve to be a tremendously stupid decision for him to make, every minute passing sat at this table only serving to increase the chances of Hux's windpipe being unexpectedly crushed...

"Supreme Leader?" The man in question interrupted his thoughts. Kylo could tell by the subtle flare of his nostrils that he loathed having to refer him by such a title.

"Yes, General?" Kylo replied curtly, barely bothering to lift his gaze from his own gloved fingers as they tapped rhythmically against the smooth top of the table.

"Our officers have been reporting a general sense of... _unrest_ within the troops. Tensions have been rising with every failed mission that's been led against the Rebels, tensions that have now spread to our own soldiers."

"Are you reporting a possibility of glitches within the Storm Trooper program, General? I believe you could imagine my... Dissatisfaction, if we were to create another FN-2187 situation."

General Hux immediately straightened in his chair, unable to hide the slight tick to his jaw that gave away his displeasure at Kylo's question.

"Of course not, Supreme Leader. We must remember that no matter what conditioning we provide to our troops, they are still alive, and as such, still experience emotions. Most particularly: fear."

"You're telling me that the best-trained military in the Galaxy is _afraid_ of a small group made up of low-life rebels?"

"Not them, Supreme Leader. Word spreads fast and, well, it appears they're feeling quite anxious over the Resistance's newest recruit..."

Kylo narrows his eyes dangerously at the ginger General opposite him, his tapping fingers coming to a sudden stop against the table, plunging the room into an uncomfortable silence.

"This problem hasn't ever arisen before. Why now?"

"You have to understand, Ren-- _Supreme_ _Leader_ , that our troops have never _had_ to deal with other Force Users, besides yourself and the Knights of Ren. It was believed that Skywalker would be the last of the light, but now the troops know that the Jedi live on-"

"She is _not_ a Jedi." Kylo hisses in interruption. "Not even close. There's nothing special about her."

The lie rolled so easily off his tongue, leaving a horrid, bitter taste lingering.

"Well, _whatever_ she is, she's given our troops reason not only to hate her, but to fear her. They know that she was behind our Supreme Leaders demise, not to mention the fact that she's now bested you twice in combat-"

All eyes in the room snapped to Kylo Ren as he stood abruptly from his chair, snapping his hand up in front of him in an instant, squeezing his fist tight as his face twisted into a rage-filled sneer. Their eyes then moved over to Hux who, predictably, was clasping at his own throat in a useless attempt to rid the pressure closing down on his windpipe, his face steadily becoming the same color as his hair with every passing second.

"May I remind you, _General_ , of who exactly you're speaking to. And may I _also_ remind you of the fact that I had been heavily wounded during my first incursion with the scavenger. If you think you would just as easily fight off a Force-user whilst bleeding from a Bow-Caster shot to your side, _I'm sure something can be arranged_."

Ren released the General from his grasp once his speech was complete, the choked man gasping for breath as he recovered, each intake of air feeling like fire rushing down his tender throat. He was quick to collect himself however, not being the first time he had fallen victim to Ren’s exhibition of his dark abilities.

"Apologies, Supreme Leader" Hux croaked, rubbing gingerly at his abused throat. "I meant no offense."

"I'm sure you didn't" Kylo responded, his blank tone of voice not quite sending across the message of sarcasm his own thoughts had. "Now, I can only hope for your sake that the reason you dragged me along to this entire charade is to present me with a solution to this problem?"

"Oh, Yes, Supreme Leader." Hux hurried to answer, that usual smugness of his quick to return.

"We have certainly found a solution..."

Hux splayed out his arm to his side, indicating to the door of the room. Just as he did so, the panel door slid open, a young woman dressed in a neat, dark First Order uniform entering the room. In front of her was a large metal cage, its bars so close together that he could barely see its contents. Kylo's brow furrowed as he tried to get a closer look inside the cage, wondering what-

Silence.

Complete. And utter. Silence.

Nothing had ever felt so jarring to him than this. It felt as if all his senses had been taken away from him: like a bag pulled over his head, ears and nose stuffed with cotton, nerves removed from every inch of his body, his tongue ripped from his mouth. He was left with _nothing_.

None of this was true. If he focused enough, he could still see, still hear, still had each and every one of his senses that nearly every known species had.

All but one.

 _The Force_.

He had never felt such a loss, never knew what it felt to exist without its soothing presence surrounding him, there and ready to bend to his will whenever he called upon it. It was simply _gone_ , and nothing had ever felt quite so jarring.

"Supreme Leader?" One of his officers asked of him, and without the steady supply of information the Force usually provided, he couldn't tell in the slightest if the worry etching his face was sincere, or a ruse. "Are you alright, my Lord?"

"What the _Kriff_ is that?!" Kylo spat at his General, stumbling out and back from his seat as the loss of the Force continued to disorient him.

"A solution," Hux replied unhelpfully. "It's only her Force powers our troops fear. Strip her of those powers, and what is she? As you put so elegantly, Supreme Leader; nothing special. Now, we ourselves have no way to do this. I put our best informants to the task, had them comb through some records leftover from the Empire, and this? This is what they found."

Hux tapped much too harshly at the cage that the First Order officer had brought to a stop, the forceful movements sending the long, furry lizards sat inside scrambling over each other, squeaking in their panic.

"They're called Ysalamiri" Hux informed him with a proud smile. "A species of reptile that are only found on Mykr. Not all that interesting, apart from one very odd defense mechanism; the ability to repel the Force."

 _These_ were the reason? These small lizards were the reason he felt as exposed as he did?

"They create a type of... Bubble, I suppose is the best word. Any force user that enters that bubble will find themselves effectively blocked from the Force. The more of these there are, the bigger that bubble becomes..."

"And you plan to dispense these creatures in combat?" Another nasally officer asks.

"Precisely," Hux answers with a much too satisfied smile. "Send these out with our troops, and they can rest assured that when this so-called _Jedi_ comes, she'll be nothing more than a low-life scavenger with a lightsaber. One quick bolt should do it, but I dare say that's not quite good enough of a punishment for..."

Hux trailed off in his sentence, his eyes focused on Ren as he slowly strode around the table, coming to a stop right in front of him, their significant height difference meaning that Ren practically towered over him.

Every word the General spoke only seemed to make the anger inside of him rise. The scariest thing to him was, perhaps, the fact that he _was_ afraid. Mostly because the anger he felt wasn't as _sharp_ as it usually was, no longer being fuelled and encouraged by the dark side of the Force, a molding power that had always been by his side.

Most unsettling though was that the anger only spiked to its peak once the man in front of him had begun to make such off-hand remarks about... About _her_.

"Did, at one point, the idea float through your thick head that there may be _another_ Force User on the battlefield at the same time? That _perhaps_ he would need to be in control of his powers at that time. That, there's the _slightest of chances_ , that that person would be stood in this very room?"

"Y-Y--Yes, Supreme Leader, but with your abilities, even without the aid of the Force I thought-"

"At what point did you consider the possibility that bringing these creatures in my presence might turn out to be a bad idea for you?"

"I-I-I, I just thought-"

"And I'd hope you had considered the fact that I could inflict much more harm to you without the _aid of the force._ "

"Supreme Leader, I never intended to-"

"Get these creatures off my ship" Ren snarled down at the trembling General. "And I suggest you be quick to get yourself out of my presence too, General. Or you might find my finger can sometimes _slip_ over my ignition switch"

General Hux's eyes flickered fearfully to the saber that sat tucked to the belt wrapped around Kylo's side, pupils widening in fear as he takes note of Kylo's hand wrapped securely around the weathered black hilt.

Kylo watched as the General gave a stiff and, quite honestly pathetic excuse of a bow before scurrying out of the room, followed shortly at just as quick of a pace by the Officer that had brought in the Ysalamir, pushing them out of the room and out of sight.

He could still feel it. The remnants of their Force-Blocking abilities lingering around the room even after they were gone. Logically, he knew it would go away after a while, that the familiar comforting presence of the Force would wash over him. That wasn't now though, and standing in this room of officers while in such discomfort was rather quickly proving to become too unbearable.

The officers watched as Kylo Ren spun on his heel, his jet-black cloak flittering behind his tall frame as he disappeared from the room with a quiet, barely heard murmur of "Dismissed."

* * *

She was going stir-crazy.

There was no other word for it. She was being driven insane, simply by the fact that she hasn't done _anything_.

The Resistance base is always flooded with people, a flurry of movement with people rushing from one place to another, ships being sent out every day on reconnaissance missions, gathering vital information on an enemy that outnumbers and overwhelms them on an astronomical scale.

It seems there's always something important, something vital to be done. Not a day goes past where she doesn't greet the General without seeing the dark circles under her eyes, so common now that it would be odd to see her without it.

Poe is no better, always trailing behind the General as they go about their day, looking ready to drop dead from exhaustion yet itching to get into the pilot seat of his X-Wing. He may be stepping up to the leadership role, but that's not to say he's having withdrawal symptoms, greatly missing his time skimming amongst the stars...

Even poor Finn looks stressed out of his mind in the rare glimpses she gets to see him, always being sent out to here and there, dragged out everywhere the resistance can throw him, desperate for the small dregs of information about the First Order he can provide, while also taking great advantage of the fighter training he received...

Watching her friends go through all this stress, all this suffering, she wants _nothing_ more than to help, to put her abilities to good use in the name of the Resistance, whatever way she can.

But they won't _let_ her.

Being the last Jedi had more stipulations than she could have ever dreamed of. Having those that cared about her worry so much for her safety that they confine her to the small grounds of the base and refuse to allow her on any Resistance missions whatsoever is... Well, it's frustrating.

"I'm sorry Rey, but we _can't_ risk it. Can't risk _you_." General Organa spoke softly, yet with a tone of finality

"But this is different!" Rey pleaded, skirting around the side of the gleaming silver table to stand in front of the General. "Poe, you said it yourself, right? That it was the lowest amount of First Order activity you've seen?"

Poe glanced up from his seated position at the table, eyes darting between the pleading face of Rey and the clear look of 'Don't you dare' from General Organa.

"Oh, well, I mean..." Poe began awkwardly, reaching up a hand to sheepishly scratch at the back of his head and averting his gaze from the two sets of eyes burning a hole into his face. "You know, I wouldn't say _lowest_ , but..."

 _Coward_.

"I can _help_ , you know I can!" Rey insisted, accepting that Poe wouldn't back her up with the General right there. "And it's not like I'll be on my own! It's not even that risky of a mission! It's even on the same planet!"

"That's not the point-"

"And if Poe's intel is correct, we might not even have to engage in combat. We could easily sneak in, maybe bring BB-8 with us to copy over what we need-"

"Oh no, you are _not_ sending my droid out on a mission without me again! That's the _third_ time I've had to repaint him!"

Both Rey and the General blocked out Poe’s objections.

"-And then we can be out again before they've even noticed!"

"And what if you are noticed, Rey? What then?"

"Then... Then we fight."

"Rey, you're _still_ not getting it," Leia said in a scolding yet tired tone, practically collapsing back down into her seat with a heavy sigh, resting a hand across her face as she collects herself. "You're one of the most recognizable people in the Galaxy now, Rey. The First Order has made it their mission to wipe out the last remaining members of the Jedi religion, and now they know that's _you_ , Rey. I'd imagine every First Order officer and soldier have had your face burned into their eyes. If even _one_ trooper gets sight of you and reports your whereabouts? You'll have the entire First Order descending on you before you could even think about leaving the planet."

"What am I to do, then? Sit around the base and do nothing, whilst everyone I care about is out risking their lives every day?"

"You're not doing _nothing_ , Rey. Look, I know you're getting frustrated with your training, believe me, _I know_. You may not feel like you're making any process, but you _are_. I see you becoming stronger, more apt with the force, I just wish you could see it for yourself. The path to becoming a Jedi is a long and tiring one, and I can promise you that every Jedi that's come before you has had the _exact_ same thoughts that you do at some point."

"I just..." Rey began, practically deflating as the fight drains out of her. "I don't see the point... Putting all this effort into making me stronger, and then _not_ letting me help."

"You will," Leia promised. "You do more for the Resistance than you can ever imagine, just by _being_ here. When so much happens, when we lose so many we care about, it can be easy to lose track of what we're fighting for. Seeing you reminds everyone that all is not lost just yet. You are proof that the light lives on Rey, that it exists within you. One day? One day we'll need you more than we ever have before. And you'll be there for us, I _know_ you will. But now? Now, we need you to stay _safe_."

"General's right, Rey" Poe piped up quietly. "Trust me, we all know you can kick some ass when you need to. But right now, you _don't_. You'll be in the fight someday, and believe me when I say, I can't wait for the day I fly overhead and see you down there on the ground throwing people left right and center-"

"That's not really-"

"-Or, you know, whatever it is that a Jedi does. Anyway, point is, you don't have to prove yourself. You're pulling your weight around here already; I've lost track of the number of hours I've seen you working away on ships that I would have _insisted_ are beyond repair, and yet, after I see you working on 'em, they're suddenly in the sky again."

"I appreciate the compliment, Poe" Rey thanks him sincerely. "But that doesn't change the fact that I know you guys are out there. If you, or Finn, or Rose were out there and something happened to you guys, and you... You don't come back? That's... All I'll be able to think about is how I should have been there. I should have _done_ something."

"Rey, that's... That's not a guilt you should carry with you." Poe shifted on his seat, leaning forward across the table as he spoke. "We all know what we signed up for. We know the risks."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't stop me from-"

_Wrong. Something's wrong._

Not only do her words come to a sudden stop, but her thoughts, too. It felt as if her entire brain was shutting down, too overwhelmed by this sensation of... Of what?

Rey stumbled back in her shock, clashing into the once neatly tucked chairs and sending them sprawling, barely having the where-about to catch herself on the table, preventing her from falling straight onto her back.

Something…Something deep down inside was _screaming_ at her, a dreadful pain beginning to blossom inside of her chest, steadily growing in intensity with every passing second, its fiery trail crawling up her spine and into her head, settling deep down within her skull.

Rey glanced over to Leia who had gone wide-eyed, face unnaturally pale as she gripped so tightly at the edge of the table that her knuckles had gone white. As the two of them locked eyes, the older woman whispered the one word that was screaming in Rey's mind;

" _Ben_."

"General? What's going on?" Poe asked in a panicked rush, hurriedly scrambling to his feet and rushing over to the General side, sending confused glanced over to Rey as he went.

"Are you two okay?"

"I---I..." Rey tried to speak, but her mind simply wouldn't fill in the blanks.

"I… I have to go, I... Will you excuse me for a minute?"

Rey didn't give the two a chance to reply before she was hurrying out of the room, her heart beating furiously against her ribcage as the overwhelming panic began to set in, an unexpected yet all-consuming pain creeping in that seemed to crush her chest and restrict her breathing.

She very nearly flung the door to her room within the Resistance base off its hinges once she got it open, slamming the door closed after she had entered and twisting the lock, taking a few tentative steps back before the back of her legs hit her bed. She gently lowered herself down, taking an unsteady seat as she tried fruitlessly to get herself under control.

Something was burning away inside of her, doing all it can to make its presence known. If she didn’t know any better, she would assume there was something _physically_ wrong with her, some health condition she did not know of, that the medical droids had somehow missed in their constant check-ups.

But she _did_ know better. There was nothing wrong with _her._

She had thought this awful burning pain would be the worst part, fearful it would never truly go away, leaving her in a constant state of agony. As soon as the thought of this crossed her mind, the pain was gone, and what she was left with was _so_ much worse.

There was _nothing_.

Something... Something had _gone_. No, not just something, _someone_. Not like when Luke had gone into the force, no, that was like a gentle fading. This... This was like someone had been yanked away, disappearing altogether.

That constant presence in the back of her mind... The one she tried so valiantly to block, the one she had to grit her teeth against whenever it threw itself repeatedly at her mental walls, trying it's best to knock them down, to reach out to her. It hadn’t just fallen silent...

It was _gone_.

“ _No, no, no, no, no, no…”_ Rey whispered to herself in denial, shaking her head as if to accentuate her own point. “I don’t believe that…You _can’t_ be…”

This feeling, this sense of emptiness within her head, her mind only belonging to herself…it was a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was how it used to be, before…before she had met him. Before Kylo Ren had squeezed his way into her mind, before, for unknown reasons, the Force had decided that they needed to be connected to one another, to form a bond between two that were supposed to be sworn enemies.

It hadn’t been like this when he was unconscious. In the rare times he had fallen asleep before she had, the small fleeting hours of rest he managed to get (which, quite frankly, she had no idea as to how he functioned on so little sleep), she could _feel_ it. Their connection would steadily get foggier, less clear, until it was nothing more than a muted hum in the back of her mind. She would bask in these odd moments of calm from him, a chance for her to rest herself.

At least, that’s what she had _thought_. It had been quite a surprise, the first time she had fallen asleep not long after he had, only to be thrown into his dreams. Well, _nightmares_ would be a better word to use. Those moments felt… _wrong_ for her to bear witness, to see him in his weakest moments. Times that he feared the most, made even worse by the fact that she could _feel_ his emotions in these times.

Kriff, the _fear._ The _anger_. The sense of _betrayal_. They were all so _sharp_ from him, enough for her to want to flinch away, unable to escape the emotions that, by all intents and purposes, were now her own in these shared dreams.

The first time it had happened, she hadn’t even realized it was a dream, let alone that it was her own. She had awoken groggily, an irritating bright light shining through her closed eyelids having awoken her. She had forced her eyes open, frowning at the sight of the hut she was in. Last she had known, she had fallen asleep inside her room in the Resistance base, so she had no clue as to why she had awoken here. The next thing she took notice of was the acid green light that lit up the hut, seemingly the light that had disturbed her sleep. Her frown deepened into one of confusion, craning her neck behind her.

It had been Master Skywalker, stood by her bedside with his lightsaber in hand, humming away mere inches from her face. For a moment, it had made sense to her. Surely, there was some threat inside her room, and, being the great Master that he was, he had come to protect her, to drive away the evil that had snuck into her sleeping quarters.

But then…Then she looked at his face. She had never, _ever_ , expected to see that look on his face. At least, not directed at her. His eyes…They had looked down at her with such an intense look of rage that it almost looked like disgust. More than that though, she could see that he was frightened. Terrified, really. Of…Of _her_.

It felt as if his fear had been transferred directly to her. She was going to _die._ He was going to kill her. She had to do something, stop herself from being murdered by her mentor, a man she had trusted so much. The betrayal stung sharp and keen in her chest as her body moved without her permission, her vision switching over to a lightsaber that sat by her bedside table. Her hand stretched out for it, summoning it into her grasp with the Force. Her finger jammed into the ignition button, swinging the saber up until it clashed with Luke’s, forcing it up and keeping the singing blade from sinking into her own flesh.

_It wasn’t enough. He was going to overpower me._

Once again, her hand moved by itself, extending towards the ceiling and reaching out with the force. She felt it wrap itself around the brick structure of the hut and, with a quick pull, felt the stones give away as the entire structure began to collapse on top of them.

“BEN, NO!”

_Wait…Ben?_

It was as she shot awake from the nightmare, drenched in sweat and looking around wildly for her attacker that the realization had struck her; That hadn’t been her own nightmare. It had been of his. One of his worst memories, having snuck into his sleeping consciousness. In her weakened and disoriented state, the Force had flung their bond open, pulling down her mental barriers. Her heart clenched painfully as she realized he was _calling_ for her, begging for her to be there with him. It had been with a heavy heart that she had stayed quiet to his pleas, almost reluctantly putting the walls back up into place.

There had been once, _once_ , that she had nearly given in. Her emotions had been all over the place, some of them not even her own, but the _guilt_ that had been clawing away inside of her…That was what had nearly done it.

It had been a very trippy experience, seeing herself without a mirror, instead through the eyes of another. He had _ripped_ her from her own dreams, placing her down into his own body, into his own memory. At first, she wondered why all she could see was red. It was with a jolt that she realized that within the red was an equally red shape, expect this one was _moving_. More than that, it was charging towards her.

Just like the last dream, she was unable to control any of it, only there for the ride. A black leather glove swung up into view, knuckles tightly gripped around an uncomfortably wide and heavy saber. Red streaks of fire crackled from its three ports, spitting out sparks as it clashed into the Guards sword. In a blink, the guard had twisted behind her, swinging the sword around until it came dangerously close to her neck. Her hands grabbed desperately at the blade, sweat dripping down her face as it scrunched with the effort, doing all she could to push the blade away.

“BEN!”

Her head snapped towards the sound of her _own_ voice. The guard she had been fighting dropped down to the floor after having its knees sliced, and she watched herself throw the lightsaber into the air, arcing towards her. The gloved hand shot out once more, catching the saber mid-spin, with its emitter pointing towards the guard currently holding her in a chokehold. One push of a button and she felt the guard jerk slightly as their grip went lax before they too slipped to the floor.

There were a few seconds where she couldn’t tear her gaze from…Well, _herself_. She, *Ben*, had thrown the blade to the ground, sending a metallic clang echoing around the empty throne room, both their chests heaving with exhaustion as they stared towards one another. She watched herself turn her head away, looking out to the depths of space before rushing over to the magnifying glass by Snoke’s window.

Then, her gaze moved. Ben had finally decided to stop looking at her, now averting his gaze to the corpse of what was once his master. His torso had been sliced clean in half, the cut still sizzling slightly from the extreme heat of the saber. She could still feel his anger, hate he had directed towards his previous master. His mind was a mess of emotions; relief at finally ending his abusers' life, yet a part of him ashamed for committing such treason. A part of him felt like he owed Snoke for his life, after all. While his teaching methods were less than desirable, they had kept him alive all these years.

“The fleet!” Her own panicked cry interrupted his thoughts. “Order them to stop firing, there’s still time to save the fleet!”

 _‘The fleet?’_ She heard his thoughts in the moment rattle around her own mind, the disbelief coloring his own words. ‘ _She had come, all this way…Risked so much, fought by his side, saved his life just as he had saved hers. All of this had to mean something…There had to be a reason the force has connected us…And she’s worried about the Fleet?’_

 _“_ Ben?”

“Its time to let old things die.” She felt the rumble of his voice as it escaped his throat, caught between deep breaths. “Snoke. Skywalker…”

He turned his body to face her now, taking careful, small and measured steps towards her as he continued, eyes boring into hers, begging for her to understand what he was trying to say.

“The Sith. The Jedi. The Rebels. Let it all die.”

She felt his feet come to a sudden stop, felt the nerves and anticipation flare up as he lifted up his hand towards her.

“Rey… I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the Galaxy.”

“Don’t do this, Ben…” She uttered softly, and the clear disappointment on her face sliced deep inside of him. “Please don’t go this way…”

There it was again. His anger, always simmering in the background, flaring to the front of his mind at her words. She wasn’t _understanding_.

“No, NO! You’re still _holding_ on! Let go!”

She felt his sheer desperation beginning to overtake him, scrambling inside of his mind for a way to make her understand.

“Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known?”

_That did it._

“And you’ve just hidden it away…” He stepped even closer now, heavy footsteps stomping on the ground as he moved. “You know the truth. Say it.”

She was being resilient. She remained silent, despite the tears that had been welling up in her eyes at his words.

“ _Say it._ ”

“They were nobody.” She finally confessed, both to him and, more so, to herself.

“They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money.”

It had hurt him to know he was the reason she was in such pain, flinching away from his words as a sob escaped her throat. Yet, he continued. He _had_ to.

“They’re dead in a paupers’ grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story, you come from nothing. You’re nothing.”

The pain she felt within him only increased even more upon seeing the look on her face. She had _accepted_ his words, perhaps believing them all along. At the sight of this, he began to shake his head minutely, fighting back the urge to step even closer.

“But not to me _.”_

Her eyes flicked back up from the ground to rest on his face, searching there in a vain attempt to see if he was telling the truth. He didn’t give her time to doubt his words, reaching out a hand once more. Her eyes dropped from his face to his hand, an obvious look of hesitation and doubt spreading across her features. The fear that she would reject him returned just as strongly as he stepped even closer, pushing his hand forward in invitation when she looked back up to him.

“ _Please_.”

Hope was a powerful thing. An emotion she had _never_ expected to feel from him. Yet, there was no other word to explain the hesitant happiness she felt radiating from him as she watched her own hand twitch upwards, inching closer towards his gloved one… Which is perhaps why the betrayal that ripped through his very being seconds later stung even more than when he had watched his own Uncle try to murder him.

Once more, upon awakening, the walls had been ripped right down. She was quicker this time, already starting to put them back up when it had happened. He had spoken. Just one word, spoken in such a desperate soft whisper that it so nearly broke her, so nearly had her reaching out for him.

He called out her name.

As much as she loathed to admit it, she had cried herself back to sleep after placing the walls back up once more. Even with them back in place, she could still feel him there. No way near as strong as it had once been, but it was still there. It was _always_ there.

And now it was gone. It was _all_ gone. Their bond had seemed unbreakable, remaining strong matter how much the two of them wished it gone. Or, at least, she had for her part. So, after months and months of him trying to tear down the walls, to now feel it was gone, it….

It surely meant one thing.

Kylo Ren, no…No, _Ben Solo_ , was dead.

Hadn’t this been what she wanted? The best-case scenario? She had been _wishing_ beyond anything for this cursed bond to break, to finally be free from him. She had escaped him physically, but mentally, it seemed she was stuck with him. Now, not only was their bond gone but, seemingly, so was he.

She should be cheering with joy, glad to have finally pulled away from his grasp. She should be rushing into the Resistance’s meeting room, should proclaim to everyone she can the good news; Kylo Ren is dead! The monster has finally been slain! The Supreme Leader of the First Order is dead once more!

She feels none of this. No joy, no relief, no happiness. The shock of it all had initially numbed her, just as their connection had been.

Then, all at once, her emotions return with a powerful punch to her heart.

_He’s gone_

A broken sob hitches in her throat, bringing her hand up to her mouth as if she could suppress the cries she wanted to release, the yells of agony that were caught in her throat. She wanted to pretend that she couldn’t feel the burn of her tears behind her eyelids, scrunching them shut tightly to prevent those tears from escaping. Evidently, this doesn’t work, as proven by the drops she could feel sliding down her face, the gentle pitter-patter as they hit the cement floor of her room.

She was…She was _grieving_ for him. A man that had murdered someone she had seen as a father-figure within her life, a man who had very nearly killed her best friend. A man who had slaughtered thousands, millions, maybe even billions of innocent people. A man who had led to her Masters, and his own Uncles, demise. He had even done his best to kill her. That was, at least, until he had realized her power matched his…

It hit her then, that she wasn’t grieving for _him_. Instead, she was grieving for the boy he had once been, the man she thought she could bring back to the Light,

She wasn’t grieving for Kylo Ren.

She was grieving for Ben Solo.

The man who had spoken to her in soft and calming tones whenever the Force had connected them, surprisingly gentle considering his reputation. The man who had been there to _listen_ after her traumatic experience in that dark cave beneath Ahch-To, and had reassured her that she wasn’t alone. Not anymore. The man who had extended his bare hand to her, no longer hiding the vulnerability he usually kept beneath his mask. The man that had murdered his master for her, chosen to save her life instead of listening to that cruel old man. The man that _chose_ her over everything else.

The Force had shown Ben Solo to her. Had shown him, practically glowing in the Light of the Force, of the good man he could become. A foolish part of her had clung onto that vision, even after the events of Crait. A hope that maybe it was still to be. That one day, she would bring Ben Solo to the light.

And now, it was not to be.

Ben was dead.

* * *

Kylo paced around the outskirts of his room, agitation from his Generals poor judgement still bubbling under his skin. The urge to head down to his own personal training quarters increased with each passing second, desperate to let his frustrations out on the training droids, to sweat out all his anger until he was ready to drop from exhaustion.

Worst of all was the fact that he still felt disconnected from the Force. It hadn’t been long, no more than half an hour perhaps, but it was still such an unsettling feeling, and he _hated_ every second of it. The only reassuring factor was that he could feel the force simmering away somewhere inside of him, letting him know that it was still indeed there, only that, for the time being, he was blocked from it.

What had he been _thinking?_ General Hux wasn’t _stupid_ , he knew that for a fact. As much as he loathed the man, there had been a reason he had risen through the ranks as quickly as he had, achieving the rank of General much faster than most others would within the First Order. Despite Snoke’s constant insults and threats towards the man, there had been a _reason_ Snoke even bothered with him at all, obviously seeing the potential within him, sharpening his expertise in the art of war and strategy.

So _why_ had he thought it to be a good idea to implement a Force Blocking creature into their plans? General Hux knew full well that he was a vital part of their system, and it would have been outrageously stupid to remove one of their strongest chess pieces from the board. Snoke, even his _Uncle_ had mentioned the power within him, the strength he had in his connection to the Force, his link to the Dark…

Kylo breathed in a sharp intake of air when, suddenly, the full brunt of the Force crashed into him. He had expected it to return gently, like the rolling tide of the ocean. Instead, it slammed into him, nearly sending him stumbling back into the wall behind him.

_Pain. An intense feeling of sadness, of… Of mourning?_

An equally shocked sounding gasp sounded from behind him. His mind went into full focus, keeping on full alert at the acknowledgement of a presence now in his private quarters, spinning around on the spot to face the intruder as his hand shot down to his side, fingers hovering just over the saber attached to his belt.

Kylo blinked a few times in surprise, part of him expecting for the vision in front of him to be nothing more than that; a vision. Yet, no matter how much he blinked, the sight in front of him remained put. It was…It was Rey. Her face had turned awfully pale, staring up at his form as if she was seeing a ghost. Through his amazement at seeing her, a nagging feeling of confusion was eating away at him. Not only wondering why, after _months_ of blocking him from her, she had not only opened the bond back up but had now chosen to make herself appear in front of him within their Force Bond. And perhaps, most strangely…

“Rey, are you…Are you crying?”

Kylo would admit, it took him by surprise when she suddenly rose to her feet, charging towards him. For the briefest of moments, he wondered if she was trying to attack him, to kill him, even when she had no weapon he could see. His fingers twitched towards his saber once more, ready to defend himself if need be…

She crashed into him, her tiny frame barely making him teeter as she collided with him. It took his shell-shocked brain a few moments to realize the pressure he felt by his sides were her arms tightly wound around his waist, practically squeezing the life out of him. His own arms twitched with the desire to return the gesture, but he kept them forced down, the reminder of their last meeting still a painful memory.

At least, that was what he _tried_ to do. Because, after a few seconds, he could feel her shaking against his chest, her face buried into his dark tunic as she _sobbed_. The overwhelming desire to _protect,_ to _comfort,_ took over, and before he knew it, he had wrapped his own arms around her, pulling her even closer to him. Her small fists dug almost painfully into his back, clenched tightly around the material of his tunic.

“Rey…” He murmured softly, trying to grab her attention. “Rey, what happened? Are you okay?”

It took her a few minutes to gather herself, Kylo waiting patiently as her sobs eventually resided into quiet sniffles. Rey pulled herself away from his grasp, though her hands didn’t leave him, instead twisting into the front of his shirt, reassuring herself that he was still _here_ , that she could physically _feel_ him, feel the warmth of his skin under all those dark layers of clothes, feel the beat of his heart buried deep down somewhere inside of him.

“I thought…” She tried to say, her voice rough and course from her own tears. “You…You were _gone_. I couldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel _you,_ and I thought- I _assumed_ that you were… Oh, you’re _alive.”_

“I’m alive,” Kylo confirmed, frowning down in confusion at her words. “Why did you think I wasn’t?”

Only now, did Rey seem to realize what she was doing. With a sudden jolt, she had pried herself from his grasp, leaving him stood there alone with his hands in the air for a moment before he dropped them back to his side, huffing slightly to himself in annoyance and frustration at the hesitancy that had come from nowhere. He had to admit, she had a mask that rivaled his own; a blank expression of indifference that would fool most people who knew her.

He wasn’t most people. And those other people, the ones she called her ‘friends’, they didn’t know her. Not like he did.

He could see the cracks under her mask. Could still see the pain that lingered on her face from moments before, his brain already beginning to connect the dots.

She had been crying. For _him_. He didn’t know why, but for some reason, she had assumed him dead. She seemed _sure_ of it, and, in that knowledge, she had cried. She had mourned for his apparent death. The girl who stubbornly refused their connection, had called him petty names and attempted to murder him… Had also been devastated at the thought of his death.

And now, she had shown that weakness to him. Perhaps fearing he would use that information against her as some sort of a weapon.

But he would never do that. He would never hurt her like that.

“I…” Rey tried speaking but seemed almost annoyed at herself for trying to converse with him. Her brow furrowed at the thought, frowning down at the floor by her feet as she did all she could to avoid his gaze.

“Some false intelligence gathered by the Resistance; I assume?” Kylo guessed, respecting the boundaries she had set up for the moment by staying put where he was, letting her have her space. “Were you wrongfully informed that I had somehow perished?”

“No, we…Nothing like that.”

That piqued his interest, raising an eyebrow as he thought over the possibilities. But really, what can there be? Why else would she have assumed it dead, if it wasn’t for fake information being spread through the Resistance? What other evidence could she possibly go off from to be so _certain_ he had died?

“What it is, then?” Kylo continued to ask, encouraged by his own curiosity on the matter.

Rey seemed rather reluctant to answer, or perhaps, was reluctant to so much as speak to him. Kylo couldn’t help the agitated growl that escaped him at the thought, pushing down the urge to throw his hands in the air at her actions, or lack thereof.

“Is this what we’re going to regress to? Really? You barge into my mind, send yourself through the Force to my quarters as if you haven’t spent the past few _months_ pretending that I don’t exist, sob into my chest as something had _broken_ you, and _now_ you give me the silent treatment? Go back to pretending that I’m not here, hope that the Force disconnects us again?”

“No.” Rey gets out through gritted teeth, raising her eyes from the floor to meet his anger-filled ones for the first time in a while. “It’s not… I just…”

“Just _what_ , Rey?” Kylo took a single step closer, cocking his head to the side as he did so. “Why are you here? Why break the radio silence now?”

“I…I had to see for myself.”

“See what?”

“If it was true.”

“If _what_ was true?” Kylo’s tone was clipped, frustrated at her vague answers.

“I felt it break,” Rey whispered, wincing at her own quiet voice, hating how weak she felt and sound at this moment. “The bond. It was there one minute, and the next… It hadn’t just gone quiet, it was _gone_ completely. I thought it was impossible to break the bond, except for if maybe… Maybe one of us die. I needed to check for myself, test the bond and reach out for you. You didn’t respond, and I assumed it must have been the truth…And then, I was here. And you were still alive.”

The bond…Had broken? How had he not noticed? While it was true that their bond had been significantly weakened due to her attempts at blocking him, he was always so keenly aware of its presence, of _her_ presence, nestled deep within his mind. He would have noticed if it had been broken if she was gone from his head, wouldn’t he?

Unless…

Unless he was preoccupied with something else. Something more distracting.

Kylo cursed sharply under his breath, turning swiftly away from Rey and storming towards the other side of the room, not wanting to be too close to her while he attempts to get his anger under control, worried she would get caught in the crossfire if he was to lash out.

“I’m going to kill him…” Kylo vowed, his clenched fists shaking by his side. “It’s bad enough for him to have got away with undermining me like that, but for his foolish actions to have affected you as well?”

“It wasn’t just me. I…I was with General Organa at the time.”

Kylo’s eyes flicked up sharply to her, breathing in deeply through his nose at the mention of his mother.

“My mother thought I was dead as well?”

Rey didn’t speak in response, only nodded her head at his words.

Kylo snorted.

“I’m sure her reaction would have been something entertaining to see.”

With one glance at her face, he had already gathered that she wasn’t all too happy with his words.

“What do you mean? You can’t really have thought she would be _happy_ to know you’re dead?”

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Kylo retorted quickly. “I’m the Leader of The First Order, a group that, if you’ve somehow forgotten, The Resistance are trying to bring down. I should be the person she wants dead the most.”

“You’re her _son.”_ Rey snapped back. “No matter what, you will _always_ be her son. That won’t change.”

“ _I’m the monster who murdered her husband!”_ Kylo spat, stomping back over to her until he was mere inches away. “She won’t easily forget that! Just as I won’t!”

“You say that like you regret it.”

He blinked in surprise for a few moments, taking a step back from her whilst she continued to regard him with that defiant expression of hers.

“It doesn’t matter if I regret it. Just like all my other regrets. They’re all in the past, all actions that I can’t change. Why bother letting them control my life?”

“You don’t let them control your life. You _learn_ from them. Your regrets, they hurt you for a reason. Make you feel ashamed, or guilty, because your regrets are a _teacher_. They’re there for you to realize when you’ve done wrong, and they help you to make your decisions in the future.”

Kylo had fallen silent. A silence that stretched on for longer than she felt comfortable with. A part of her wondered if their lack of communication would result in the Force cutting them off like it used to, since it seemed they both had nothing more to say. It wasn’t just the silence that made her uncomfortable, but the way that his dark eyes were focused on her own like he was trying to see into her very soul. If she hadn’t already been exposed to the pain of him trying to force his way through her mind, she would have assumed that was what he was trying to do at this very moment.

And then, he broke the silence, speaking in a voice so quiet and timid that she almost missed it.

“Why didn’t you take my hand?”

Rey sucked in a sharp breath of air, taken aback not only by the question, but in the absolutely broken, heart-wrenching way he had asked her. His walls were _completely_ down, his mask torn off, and she could tell by the stormy look in his eyes that it wasn’t of his choice. She had done this to him, ripping away each and every one of his defenses, leaving him an all too timid young man, heart still aching from her rejection.

Perhaps, that was the worst part of it all. Seeing how much pain he was in, how much it had been eating away at him without her knowing, _refusing_ to let herself know. He _should_ know why she couldn’t take his hand, had thought he had already known the second she tried to take Luke’s lightsaber back from him, but apparently not. He didn’t know why, and that just made her heart ache even more.

“You know it wasn’t as simple as that.” She says gently, as if speaking to a wounded animal, trying her best not to startle him. Kylo frowned down at her words, clearly not happy with them. “If circumstances were different, in another time, I… Ben, I _wanted_ to take your hand, just as I did across that fire, across the Force. But _only_ because, at that time, I was taking the hand of Ben Solo. When you were stood there, offering me an entire Galaxy, to rule over people who deserve to be free… I could only see Kylo Ren. I couldn’t take _his_ hand. I can’t let that man change me into a person I don’t want to be.”

“So, who am I now?” Kylo asked, his usual cold, cynical voice cracking away to something more vulnerable. “Kylo Ren? Or Ben Solo?”

“Neither,” Rey answered, her response taking him by surprise. “Right now, I think you’re stuck; Trapped between who you really are, and who you so desperately want to be.”

“And which is which?”

“That’s up to you to decide”

Kylo clenched his jaw tightly at her statement, feeling his teeth grind under the immense pressure, appreciating the pain for the distraction it was, distracting him from her intense, burrowing gaze.

“I thought I was giving you what you wanted. What we _both_ needed.” Kylo finally un-pried his jaw to speak. “A chance to start fresh, a new beginning both for us and for the Galaxy. No more of the old ways, no more repeating past mistakes. Rey, I don’t _want_ to keep the Galaxy enslaved, for it to be in such disarray and chaos, of non-stop murder and bloodshed, I wanted it all to _end_. But people will always thirst for power, will always do what they can to gain that, but…but with _you_ by my side? No one would _dare_ to oppose us. No one would disrupt the peace.”

“ _’Disrupt the peace?’_ You wanted to stop the bloodshed by letting the Resistance die?! You would have allowed so many innocent people, _good_ people, to have died- “

“And what of the First-Order?” Kylo interrupted her rant. “I offered to let them die, too. All of them, yet you made no such objection to that, and still you don’t, even now.”

“That’s different- “

“How is it? Your resistance was made up of a small group, whereas those who work within the Order are much too high to count. You don’t know _any_ of them. You don’t know of their faces, of their names. How about the Guards you helped me slaughter? Did you know of them? Of their family? What’s to say that they aren’t good people too, simply working for a group that promised to bring stabilization to the Galaxy. These are all just people fighting for a future they believe in. How is that any different to the Resistance?”

“People that were willing to sit back and let thousands of innocent people be slaughtered in the name of ‘ _peace!’_ The Resistance wouldn’t stand for that!”

“Then what of your… _Friend.”_ Kylo practically spat the last word, as if trying to clear a disgusting taste from his mouth. “The _traitor._ FN-2187. Did you forget that he was once in my ranks?”

“ _Finn_ came to his senses before he was forced to do any of the vile things _you_ ordered them to do.”

“Yes. I did give such orders. Do you know why?”

“ _Why?”_

 _“_ Because they are _my_ orders. That’s all we are at the First Order. Just soldiers following orders, some with more powers than others, but that’s merely an illusion. At the end of it all, was Snoke. _All of it_ was Snoke. I wanted to _change_ that. I had hoped I would, when you joined me.”

“I _can’t,”_ Rey argued back, her voice straining on the word. “This? This isn’t what I want. I don’t want power or control. I never have. Not too long ago, all I ever wanted in the world is for my parents to come _back_ , to take me away to safety. I was so tired of being _alone_ , all my life-“

“You’re not alone anymore, Rey.” Kylo spoke so softly, she could barely believe such a voice could come from him. “I would _never_ abandon you.”

“And if you had found me in that desert? If all of this had happened, and I had still been alone? Maybe I would have been weak enough to accept. But you’re right, I’m _not_ alone. Ben, I could never just abandon the Resistance, to turn my back on the light, of what they represent. The thought of leaving my friends, to become what everyone feared I would-“

“Don’t you see!” Ben cut in swiftly, with such force in his tone that Rey stumbled over her own words. “They’re not your friends, Rey! It's like you said, they _fear_ you, just as they feared me, just as they fear any Force user that hasn’t lamented themselves as a _legend._ ”

“No, it's not like that-“

“But it _is._ You know it is, but its easier to stay blind to it, than to accept it for what it really is. Rey, you’re nothing more than a tool to them. You saw what happened when they called for help. What happened, Rey? What happened when they called to anyone that could hear?”

Rey glared up at him for a few good seconds before answering through gritted teeth.

“No one came.”

“Exactly. _No one_. They had lost hope. But suddenly, here comes you, not just the next generation of Jedi, but the _Last_ of the breed. You are nothing more than a piece of propaganda to them, a weapon to train so they yell to anyone to hear ‘ _Look! The Jedi lives on! Skywalkers last padawan is among us!”_

 _“_ That’s _not_ true!”

“They went looking for my Uncle in the hopes that he would take up his old weapon and come fight. A one-man solution to a _war,_ and what did that do for him? It got him dead, and if you are so dead set on following in his footsteps, then you’re going to share the same fate as him. And I… I _won’t_ let that happen. I… I can’t watch you die for people who only care about _what_ you can become, of what you can do for them, and not _who_ you are.”

“Oh, and you do, do you?” Rey replied, letting the venom seep into her voice.

“More than you can ever know,” Kylo replied, the words so firm that they could be nothing but the absolute truth. “So much that I am certain it will get me killed one day, and even then, I won’t care. Not so long as I know that you’re safe.”

Rey looked as if she was trying her hardest to fight back tears, scrunching her face against both the pain his words were bringing her, as well as the frustration they brought.

“If it weren’t for my powers, we would never have met. I would still be living as a scavenger amongst the ruins of Jakku. I would be _nothing_ to you, without my abilities, without the connection to the Force. You say the resistance care only about my ability to interact with the Force, that they only want to keep me around so long as I remain a Jedi. But can’t the same be said for you, just the opposite? That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? To turn me to the dark? To make me a Sith.”

 _“No.”_ Kylo retorted quickly. “I don’t want you to be a Sith. Just as I don’t want you to be a Jedi. Those two names are nothing more than that: names. We label the Force as if it’s a power we can even begin to understand, applying rules that don’t even make sense. I’m not saying you should fully commit to being to the dark, _or_ to the light. You don’t decide _what_ part of the Force you use, but simply _when_ you use it. There are times when the Dark can save a life, just as there are times when the Light can take one. I wanted you to join me, not so we can both rule in the Dark, but to _help me, help each other_ , to find that…That _balance.”_

Kylo’s chest heaved as he finished his speech, not bothering in the slightest to keep his emotions bottled away, not with her, and certainly not with this. _This_ was how she needed to see him, the _real_ him. With a nervous gulp, he slid his black leather glove off his right hand, holding it limply in his left as he raised his bare hand, placing it between then with is palm facing the sky, making sure to keep his eyes locked on Rey’s as he did so.

“The offer still stands. Just as it always did.”

Something felt different this time. The anxiety was still there of course, as to be expected, but it felt…Calmed. He felt more assured this time, more hopeful that maybe, just maybe, she would finally place her hand in his.

“And what of the Resistance?” She asks. “Of the First Order? What happens to them?”

Kylo's confidence waivers at this, wincing at the question that he should have known full well that she was going to ask.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he can think to say at first. “It just won’t work with them still there. Neither will ever give up their own fight. There can never be peace.”

For a moment, Rey does nothing but stare up to his pleading face, seemingly absorbing all that he had just said. Then, in a movement that makes his breath hitch, she raises her hand, ever so slowly moving towards his own. His brain can’t quite fathom what is happening when he feels the soft, warm skin of her palm meet his, delicate fingers wrapping around his. Then, to his confusion, she pulls him forward gently, pulling her hand out of his grip and encircling his waist as she buries her face into his tunic once again.

“I’m sorry, too.” He feels her soft voice vibrate against his shirt. “But you’re not ready yet. You think you are, but you aren’t. You’re asking me to help balance you, to find Light within the Dark, but what you’re asking of me? To let so many people die? There’s no Light within that, Ben. And if doing such an awful thing is what it takes for me to accept the Dark, then, well…Maybe I’m not ready, either.”

For a while, Kylo says nothing, as does Rey. Her words wash over him as he stands there, feeling the warmth radiating off her, trying its best to keep him warm despite the cold that sank into his being at her words.

“So, this is it?” He finally manages to get out. “This is how we’re destined to be? Two sides of the same Force, neither willing to make the jump for the other?”

“For now, I…I think so. I _still_ believe in what the Force showed me, of what you could be, what _we_ could be. Perhaps one day it’ll all finally click, and we’ll find that balance. We’ll find a way to exist together.”

Kylo didn’t respond to that, instead tightening his grip around her small frame, as if it would keep both himself and her from falling apart into pieces where they stood.

“I just hope it’s soon...”

Her words faded away into the air just as she did, her solid figure blinking out of existence from between his arms as if she was never there. With a shaky breath, he let his arms drop back to his sides, clenching his fists so tightly that he could feel the bite of his nails digging into his palms, fighting back the frustration he felt at how unfair their entire situation was. Why it couldn’t be as _simple_ as it should be.

“Yeah,” Kylo finally croaked out to the empty air, letting his anger simmer just below the surface instead of allowing it to take over completely, unclenching his fists from their firm grip as he exhaled out his frustration in one long puff of air. “Yeah, I hope so, too.”


End file.
